This practice draws on Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations, Book 2, where he begins the day by preparing to meet other people’s errors and limitations.
A practice for dealing with difficult people
Before you check your phone, name the encounter you expect.
Take two minutes in the morning and write one name or situation on a note. Keep it specific: a tense team meeting, a call with your parent, the neighbor who complains. You are preparing for a real moment, not trying to turn your whole day into a problem to solve.
Expect friction without rehearsing a fight.
Tell yourself that the other person may be impatient, self-centered, dismissive, or unreasonable. This is not a prediction that they will ruin the day. It is a way to remove surprise, so you do not hand over your composure the first time their familiar behavior appears. Let the possibility be plain, then return to what you need to do next.
Separate their behavior from your next choice.
When the difficult moment arrives, pause long enough to ask what is in your hands. Their tone, opinion, and mood are theirs. Your voice, timing, words, and decision to stay or leave are yours. On an ordinary workday, this may mean taking one breath before replying to a sharp email, then answering only the practical question.
Assume a limit in their understanding, without excusing harm.
Marcus Aurelius’s preparation includes the thought that people often act badly because they do not see clearly what they are doing. Hold that as a possibility, especially when you are tempted to turn one bad interaction into a complete story about someone’s character. Understanding the source of behavior can make room for a steadier response. It does not make abuse, intimidation, discrimination, or repeated disrespect acceptable.
State one clear boundary in plain words.
Choose a sentence you can say without heat: “I can continue this conversation when we are both speaking respectfully.” Or: “I am not available to discuss that.” A boundary names what you will do, rather than trying to force the other person to become reasonable. If the behavior continues, follow through by ending the call, leaving the room, documenting the exchange, or involving the appropriate support at work.
Keep the response proportionate to the moment.
Ask what the situation actually requires: a brief answer, a request for clarification, a pause, or distance. You do not need to win every point, explain your whole history, or correct every unfair impression. If a colleague is needlessly curt, you might say, “Please send the details in writing,” and move on with your task. Save your energy for what has consequences.
Close the day with a short, factual review.
In the evening, take five minutes to write what happened, what you chose, and what you would try differently next time. Keep the review concrete. Replace hours of replaying the scene with a few useful observations, such as noticing that you answered too quickly or that you held a boundary well. Then put the note away and return your attention to the evening you still have.